8 months worth. aka put on your seatbelt and get ready for the ride.
Posted by Michaela Frantz on Sunday, April 15, 2012
hey y'all. if anyone even still reads this. this is gonna be crazy long. but hopefully you will be as inspired as I am to see what God is doing in my life and in the lives of those around me.
so last time I wrote I was gearing up for school starting. wow! that feels like years ago. basically I put on my outgoing shoes and gave it my all, trying to show only the best side of myself all the time. as you can guess it didn't quite go that way as getting up at 5:30 am to get ready didn't quite settle with me and I often showed up looking like a train wreck and in the emotional state of, I don't know, a pregnant woman. but that's the beauty of it. I was forced to realize that I do not have the ability to be perfect all the time. and I saw that people still loved me and accepted me no matter what. I have never in my life experienced that kind of support before. I felt constant love from the girls on my volleyball team (they were mostly freshmen and sophomores since I was on JV). when I had my first very serious low blood sugar (more about health later) during a tournament game they surrounded me and encouraged me at my worst. like I said I have never had that kind of group of friends before. I loved getting to know people from different groups and grades- even though that kind of thing is not as normal at this school :). also i have never been so open with guys and have loved having guy friends- they are so much fun and way less dramatic than girls (well some of them :/).
I got really close to the only other new girl in our grade, Abby, and though there have been ups and downs as with any friendship I am so blessed to have gotten to share life with her. haha we are the type that are together all the time and still always have something to talk about. so great.
something I was really looking forward to about living in this area is getting to see our cousins a lot- mainly the one I'm closest to who is my age, John. my expectations for how much time we would spend together were quite unrealistic and I had to deal with my disappointment and face the fact that I had put too much importance on that dream. we all see each other at holidays which fills my heart right up with love and joy. added benefits are seeing John at school regularly and getting to tease him or what have you. it's pretty great in a different way than I had expected (haha especially considering that a serious girlfriend entered the picture!). the whole experience has definitely grown me and I am thankful for it.
another unrealistic expectation was that I would be spending every spare moment babysitting, serving underprivileged people in downtown Chicago and building my relationships with my family. HA! In reality it took me forever to get just one babysitting job, I have not sought/been able to serve near as much as I thought (although I did do a J-term class where that was all we did which I LOVED! and I have been working in Cubbie's/Sunday school at church and our family has some underprivileged girls that we mentor), and my family has been busy with sports and other activities. but again God has turned what I thought was a failure into something beautiful. since our family is not always together we have gotten along better and really appreciated the time we do spend together. also, my sister and I who have never been able to be together for long because of the way we know how to hurt each other so badly, we have become best friends. she has looked to me for advice, support and someone to talk to and I hope that I have used my words for building up and encouragement. also I have had some good bonding times with my brother, Dad and Mom either in the car, on a walk, or in a bedroom late at night. it just means so much more to me than it used to. I cannot thank the Lord enough.
another aspect of this year has been my spiritual life. I don't want to get into all the nitty gritty since we all know that our relationships with God look different from day to day. I think last year I was super solid in my faith because I invested so much time into it and it meant a lot to me. this year has been different because of the fact that my two times of the day that I used to spend with Him (right when I woke up and right before I went to bed) are now my worst times of the day. I barely have time to make it out the door as it is, so adding time in the morning is difficult and honestly hardly ever happens. At night I am tired and know that my alarm will be ringing shortly so sometimes I rush through it or skip it all together. yes, I do realize this is the worst thing to delete from my day and I am working on it :) we have been so blessed to be a part of Harvest Bible Chapel this year where the preaching and worship has really been my source of spiritual food during the week. Also my school has really good chapels that help me refocus on God in the midst of everything else. unfortunately I have not found a good small group of girls that I feel comfortable with and can find community with at least at church so that is something I am really missing. overall I think I have let a lot of the world to crowd my life and I need to re-center my life on the Word of God and fellowship with His people.
by worldly things I mean mainly my iPhone and all that it allows me to get distracted by plus also having so much more access to TV. I cannot even count the hours I have spend getting lost on blogs, websites, facebook, random apps etc...just because my iPhone gets internet access anywhere and I make use of that feature way too much. oh and lets not forget texting- not that it is a waste of time but that many conversations that I should have had over the phone or in person have happened over text and have not turned out well or were just not worthwhile. and there are just wayyy too many good TV shows in this country. its killer. so self-control has been something I'm workin on too :)
Harvest Christian Academy, the school I have been attending, is quite a unique place. It is very small, sometimes too small, but quite a community. the dynamics are quite interesting and I am sure I don't even know the half of it! sometimes I hate it and sometimes I love it- depends on the day. some of the teachers are easier to work with than others and some classes are flat out terrible. but that happens at every school for sure.
as for my health, its been quite a journey. not all of you know this but last year I worked really hard on getting as healthy as possible and in turn I also looked the best I have since puberty hit. I was confident and ready to keep it going forever but then something called an incredibly emotionally taxing move happened and it all went downhill from there. I have gained all the weight back (though most of it is just water weight due to the bloating I have when I eat carbs) and I have not made good choices about my eating and exercise habits. that has been quite discouraging but its just so hard to have the lifestyle I had last year in my schedule now. but I need to take care of my body no matter what so that is another thing I am working on.
now for the real reason I am here :) the future. its lookin pretty scary if you ask me. I know us Christians are never supposed to be afraid and always supposed to trust God for everything but when it comes down to it, living that out is incredibly difficult. a few weeks ago, my parents told us that we would not be returning to Germany, our "home". that was a big bomb of news but little did we know the ripple effect of that decision. now our mission organization is telling us that if we want to stay on staff with them we have to move to Florida to be a part of a program that is designed for missionaries in transition. we have heard nothing but good things about the program and are sure that it would have many benefits. BUT it is going to be my senior year and I finally like high school and I finally have a lot of good friends and I finally have more confidence. so that would be extremely hard. plus we have family here, my dad has a small group at church that he loves and my mom is taking a class that she loves. whew! how in the world is this decision going to be made? LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER!!! to say the least. yep. sometimes I feel like I should be given grace at school and stuff because of all that is going on in my life but truth is everyone has their trials and we all just have to deal with it. I am thankful that my family cares so much about me and that I have a very powerful, Sovereign and incredibly loving Lord and Savior. and He sure deserves some praise from me for all He has done and is doing in this crazy life of mine. so here it is: PRAISE THE LORD WHO WAS AND IS AND IS TO COME AND NEVER CHANGES NO MATTER WHAT!! WHO LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT! WHO LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT! AND WHO I CAN TALK TO NO MATTER WHAT! amen. He is soooo good.
well folks that is all I have for today and maybe for a little while. but you can be sure I will be documenting the way God moves in our lives because really life and blogs are not about us, are they? they are all. about. Him. I hope that is true here every single time.
much love,
Daughter of the one and only King
so last time I wrote I was gearing up for school starting. wow! that feels like years ago. basically I put on my outgoing shoes and gave it my all, trying to show only the best side of myself all the time. as you can guess it didn't quite go that way as getting up at 5:30 am to get ready didn't quite settle with me and I often showed up looking like a train wreck and in the emotional state of, I don't know, a pregnant woman. but that's the beauty of it. I was forced to realize that I do not have the ability to be perfect all the time. and I saw that people still loved me and accepted me no matter what. I have never in my life experienced that kind of support before. I felt constant love from the girls on my volleyball team (they were mostly freshmen and sophomores since I was on JV). when I had my first very serious low blood sugar (more about health later) during a tournament game they surrounded me and encouraged me at my worst. like I said I have never had that kind of group of friends before. I loved getting to know people from different groups and grades- even though that kind of thing is not as normal at this school :). also i have never been so open with guys and have loved having guy friends- they are so much fun and way less dramatic than girls (well some of them :/).
I got really close to the only other new girl in our grade, Abby, and though there have been ups and downs as with any friendship I am so blessed to have gotten to share life with her. haha we are the type that are together all the time and still always have something to talk about. so great.
something I was really looking forward to about living in this area is getting to see our cousins a lot- mainly the one I'm closest to who is my age, John. my expectations for how much time we would spend together were quite unrealistic and I had to deal with my disappointment and face the fact that I had put too much importance on that dream. we all see each other at holidays which fills my heart right up with love and joy. added benefits are seeing John at school regularly and getting to tease him or what have you. it's pretty great in a different way than I had expected (haha especially considering that a serious girlfriend entered the picture!). the whole experience has definitely grown me and I am thankful for it.
another unrealistic expectation was that I would be spending every spare moment babysitting, serving underprivileged people in downtown Chicago and building my relationships with my family. HA! In reality it took me forever to get just one babysitting job, I have not sought/been able to serve near as much as I thought (although I did do a J-term class where that was all we did which I LOVED! and I have been working in Cubbie's/Sunday school at church and our family has some underprivileged girls that we mentor), and my family has been busy with sports and other activities. but again God has turned what I thought was a failure into something beautiful. since our family is not always together we have gotten along better and really appreciated the time we do spend together. also, my sister and I who have never been able to be together for long because of the way we know how to hurt each other so badly, we have become best friends. she has looked to me for advice, support and someone to talk to and I hope that I have used my words for building up and encouragement. also I have had some good bonding times with my brother, Dad and Mom either in the car, on a walk, or in a bedroom late at night. it just means so much more to me than it used to. I cannot thank the Lord enough.
another aspect of this year has been my spiritual life. I don't want to get into all the nitty gritty since we all know that our relationships with God look different from day to day. I think last year I was super solid in my faith because I invested so much time into it and it meant a lot to me. this year has been different because of the fact that my two times of the day that I used to spend with Him (right when I woke up and right before I went to bed) are now my worst times of the day. I barely have time to make it out the door as it is, so adding time in the morning is difficult and honestly hardly ever happens. At night I am tired and know that my alarm will be ringing shortly so sometimes I rush through it or skip it all together. yes, I do realize this is the worst thing to delete from my day and I am working on it :) we have been so blessed to be a part of Harvest Bible Chapel this year where the preaching and worship has really been my source of spiritual food during the week. Also my school has really good chapels that help me refocus on God in the midst of everything else. unfortunately I have not found a good small group of girls that I feel comfortable with and can find community with at least at church so that is something I am really missing. overall I think I have let a lot of the world to crowd my life and I need to re-center my life on the Word of God and fellowship with His people.
by worldly things I mean mainly my iPhone and all that it allows me to get distracted by plus also having so much more access to TV. I cannot even count the hours I have spend getting lost on blogs, websites, facebook, random apps etc...just because my iPhone gets internet access anywhere and I make use of that feature way too much. oh and lets not forget texting- not that it is a waste of time but that many conversations that I should have had over the phone or in person have happened over text and have not turned out well or were just not worthwhile. and there are just wayyy too many good TV shows in this country. its killer. so self-control has been something I'm workin on too :)
Harvest Christian Academy, the school I have been attending, is quite a unique place. It is very small, sometimes too small, but quite a community. the dynamics are quite interesting and I am sure I don't even know the half of it! sometimes I hate it and sometimes I love it- depends on the day. some of the teachers are easier to work with than others and some classes are flat out terrible. but that happens at every school for sure.
as for my health, its been quite a journey. not all of you know this but last year I worked really hard on getting as healthy as possible and in turn I also looked the best I have since puberty hit. I was confident and ready to keep it going forever but then something called an incredibly emotionally taxing move happened and it all went downhill from there. I have gained all the weight back (though most of it is just water weight due to the bloating I have when I eat carbs) and I have not made good choices about my eating and exercise habits. that has been quite discouraging but its just so hard to have the lifestyle I had last year in my schedule now. but I need to take care of my body no matter what so that is another thing I am working on.
now for the real reason I am here :) the future. its lookin pretty scary if you ask me. I know us Christians are never supposed to be afraid and always supposed to trust God for everything but when it comes down to it, living that out is incredibly difficult. a few weeks ago, my parents told us that we would not be returning to Germany, our "home". that was a big bomb of news but little did we know the ripple effect of that decision. now our mission organization is telling us that if we want to stay on staff with them we have to move to Florida to be a part of a program that is designed for missionaries in transition. we have heard nothing but good things about the program and are sure that it would have many benefits. BUT it is going to be my senior year and I finally like high school and I finally have a lot of good friends and I finally have more confidence. so that would be extremely hard. plus we have family here, my dad has a small group at church that he loves and my mom is taking a class that she loves. whew! how in the world is this decision going to be made? LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER!!! to say the least. yep. sometimes I feel like I should be given grace at school and stuff because of all that is going on in my life but truth is everyone has their trials and we all just have to deal with it. I am thankful that my family cares so much about me and that I have a very powerful, Sovereign and incredibly loving Lord and Savior. and He sure deserves some praise from me for all He has done and is doing in this crazy life of mine. so here it is: PRAISE THE LORD WHO WAS AND IS AND IS TO COME AND NEVER CHANGES NO MATTER WHAT!! WHO LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT! WHO LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT! AND WHO I CAN TALK TO NO MATTER WHAT! amen. He is soooo good.
well folks that is all I have for today and maybe for a little while. but you can be sure I will be documenting the way God moves in our lives because really life and blogs are not about us, are they? they are all. about. Him. I hope that is true here every single time.
much love,
Daughter of the one and only King